Day 30 - Can i be known as Ma'anani??

Somehow, somewhere this particular name pops out from my mind.Decided to make an imaginary person by the way. I imagined him to be an arab, probably from North Africa. With curly hair, dyed auburn, with big hazel eyes, very romanic nose, a goatee, full lips, hairy and be stocku-build, must be around 1.8 m in height. I would call him by his surname, Ma'anani.

I've been happy on how things have turn out for my partner nowadays. She have started smiling, our conversations have returned to her pre- 'very traumatised'- relationship. She have started to crack jokes and its a miracle she had started smiling barely after 3 months after that 'very traumatised' relationship. But somehow, somewhere, i still know that she is thinking about him cuz i somehow can read her feelings. Somehow i was almost there too, about 4 years ago, before i abolished my ego and decided to leave that 'punani' info confusion. Somehow the punani is now very happily attached to another 'butangkhina' now and im the one into confusion now.But i can feel that her story is much 'very traumatised' then mine. Hmm...

Nowadays im so confused by life and reality now. Somehow, somewhere, i felt that i lose touch from reality. I wanted most things to happen my way, what and how i want it to be. I wanted people to share my views, my thoughts, my base of life. But people are unique and have their own specialities and abilities. I realise i have to rely on fate sometimes cuz Allah the Merciful have decides on them all.

I felt im not being fair to most girls i have dated for the past year. Somehow, i often relate her to my partner. Why she is not so like her like dat... why she is nt so giving like her... why she is not easy going like her... My partner told me, that humans are not the same, They have unique abilities therefore not the same person must be like her. SOmehow i gotta change my view on this, but im just feeling comfortable of looking a a type of lady who is like my partner...

My very beautiful cat looking ex, that 'punani' once told me, "Y u never give others a chance to get love?? Y must u be so greedy to hurt others". I only said.... Love can only be brought to fate and that no one can turn away something that supposed to be happening to you. Someway somehow, that conversation haunts me now, as it now means alot to her. She was the giving one, while i was the very tight and very radical about my own views. Therefore that makes the difference of our situation now. She, the happily ever after life right now, and me, the old slob left on the shelf.

By the way... its 24 hours away from Lebaran. Chores checked. Ayam dah kena sembelih kat AVA tadi... Masjid dah start beli tikar baru.... What seperates me from Lebaran and now is a full shift at Lucky Plaza Mac tml....

To all muslims, especially to that 'p*****', my partner, the girls who i have dated the past year and all my friends of all ages, patik menyusun sepuluh jari, kalaulah tersilap kata dah kecelupahan patik, maka patik memohon maaf di hari yang mulia ini. Selamat Hari Raya, minal 'aidilwal fa'izin......